...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
