Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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