Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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