this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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