I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The police scanner is talking about you again....
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
