Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
