Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
