im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
