i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Text me some of your sweat
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
