help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
you inspire me to be a worse person
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Randomize