i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
