He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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