Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
