Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
