Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
