Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
how drunk are you?
Several
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
