Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
