I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
