WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
