I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
