I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
