and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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