Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
