; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
