Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
