I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
