He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
