I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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