I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
