I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
