Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
