He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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