we're blogging at a bar
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
