I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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