Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
