I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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