I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
