relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
