Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you will always have a special place in my vag
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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