I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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