Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
God, I missed his penis.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
