I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
