my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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