Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
