I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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