I faked an abortion last night.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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