Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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