am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
