And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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