Cold hands, warm shart.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
