I'm going to jail i love you
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
